If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
