Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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