And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
