i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
