oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
