What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When are your genitals available?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
