Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize