You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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