I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
