i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
