I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
