I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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