now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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