im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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