even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
