operation harelip BJ is a go
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
