does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
