First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
two words...techno handjob
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
