I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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