can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My ass is underappreciated
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
