Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
