Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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