Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
