should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
