im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Operation Purity has been aborted
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
