textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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