You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
