My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girl is more easily done than said...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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