Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize