That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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