i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
