did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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