I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
