Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
