my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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