At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
