The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
