i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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