Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
