I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
