remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
