I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize