gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
