I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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