My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
