get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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