woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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