Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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