those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
