I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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