Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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