and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to get me chipped asap
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