just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
