so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
