Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
