I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
