Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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