I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
