I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize