Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
