I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
that is very illegal...i love you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
