you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize