I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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