Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
