first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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