ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize