maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
