i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
