Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
