If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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