so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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