Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
