I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
