What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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