Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
