And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
