Girls should come with a carfax report
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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