No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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