So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize