i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
