I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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