Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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