2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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