My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
