All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
