Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
