Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
