I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
