Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
