when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
