omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
