his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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