Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize