I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
