Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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