I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
