Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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