Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
