I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
