I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
