I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
