WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
