new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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