I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
