My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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