I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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