i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm always down for nudity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
